It Will Be as if I Never Existed
by mima1216
Summary: Edward never came back after New Moon, and after Charlie dies, Bella chooses her time to go. She joins the Volturi, but her memory is wiped out while being changed. With her new name, Izzy Volturi, will she ever be reunited with Edward?
1. Prologue

Prologue

Bella POV

_Dear all my friends in Forks and Mom in Florida,_

_These are the last words I ever want to write in my life, which is now coming to an end. I'm so sick of dragging feelings of sorrow and waiting for him to come back. Next time you see him, I want you to tell him I said he should've stayed or I would still be alive. He deserves that more than anything. And I'm sorry I didn't stay for Charlie's funeral, I really do care, but it was horrible enough as it was. I didn't want to make it any worse for myself. I love you all, and I'm so sorry I have to do this to all of you. These will be the last words I will ever write. I'm sorry. But don't worry, it will be as if I never existed.  
Love,  
Bella_

Tears dropped down my face as I placed the note on the grass. My heart tore as I read over the last line. I had copied it from when he left me. And never came back, leaving me like this.

I touched the note with one finger, leaving a small drop of blood on the note. They would know for sure I was dead, and even know it was the last thing I wanted them to believe, it was best. With Charlie dead and Ed-… _him_ gone forever, I had nowhere else to turn. I slowly stood up and walked away, leaving Bella Swan in crumpled pieces behind me.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Edward POV

I sat awkwardly in the front seat, my legs and arms crossed and my feat pressing against the glass. Alice was almost squashed behind me, and Carlisle was driving.

"It's nothing but a small chat, Edward." Carlisle hissed again. "You need to be less…" He hesitated. "_Crotchety _about this."

I sat upright. "I don't exactly care why we were invited, I just don't think it's a good plan to go _back _to the Volturi!"

"Relax, it's not like we're joining them." Carlisle rolled his eyes.

"They're just so-"

"Stop it! Stop it!" Alice kicked my seat twice. "DON'T say it! Just quit it, it's _so _infuriating!" She groaned. I laughed at her improper vocabulary. "Yeah, nice." I rolled my eyes. "I still don't see why we have to _drive._"

"And he's found another topic." Alice hissed. "Very pleasant."

"Just shut up, Edward. We're almost there." Carlisle seemed just as annoyed as Alice. Well, I guess I finally passed Alice on the annoyance meter. Hooray!

I wanted to see how Alice felt about this. Her thoughts were like an army marching for revenge. _What is his problem!? We don't like the Volturi, but come _on_! He could never be this annoying. Ever since Bella died- _She suddenly sat up, remembering that I was spying on her. _Sorry…_ She thought. I pressed my lips together and nodded slightly.

Bella…

I didn't want to remember what had happened ten years ago, but somehow the image forced through my mind.

_Irresistible Flashback_

I knocked a slight rhythm on the door of the house, then waited.

"What are you doing?"

I jumped at a voice behind me. "Oh, it's you. What do you want?" I crossed my arms. Jacob narrowed his eyes. "If your planning on seeing Bella, she's not there." I looked suspiciously at him. "What do you mean? What about Charlie, where's he?"

"You didn't know?"

"What do you mean?"

"Charlie died in a car crash five year ago, and two days after Bella disappeared and left us a note." He pulled a piece of bright yellow paper out of his pocket and gave it to me. I unfolded it quickly. It was Bella's writing.

Dear all my friends in Forks and Mom in Florida,

These are the last words I ever want to write in my life, which is now coming to an end. I'm so sick of dragging feelings of sorrow and waiting for him to come back. Next time you see him, I want you to tell him I said he should've stayed or I would still be alive. He deserves that more than anything. And I'm sorry I didn't stay for Charlie's funeral, I really do care, but it was horrible enough as it was. I didn't want to make it any worse for myself. I love you all, and I'm so sorry I have to do this to all of you. These will be the last words I will ever write. I'm sorry. But don't worry, it will be as if I never existed.  
Love,  
Bella

I froze. No, she can't be dead. "She wouldn't…" My words trailed off. Jacob growled. "Well, she did, and it's your fault, so live with that.

He was gone.

I crushed the note in the palm of my hand. My unbeating heart sank. She had copied me. I regretted everything I had said to her that night. How could she kill herself? That's just… Stupid… I didn't want to believe it.

But yet I knew I deserved it. I deserved everything I had to fight through after I broke her heart. I wanted to stop fighting, and kill myself.

I dropped the note and ran off.

_End Flashback_

I didn't realize I was banging my head ageist the back of my seat.

After I returned, I asked Alice to tell me if she was still alive. But for some reason, she said it's harder and harder to see even what's right in front of her these days. Today she was looking for her phone and passed it ten to fifteen times before Emmett pointed it out for her.

"We're here." Carlisle said gravely as he stopped the car. He glared at me. "Don't try anything funny, Edward." I laughed. "Right, got it."

I barged through the doors of the foyer. "Lets get this over with." I growled at Aro, who was at first standing there happily, but now was frowning. He looked at Carlisle. "It's good to see you again, Carlisle." He greeted. "Is your son okay?"

"He's fine. Just cranky as always." Carlisle elbowed me a bit. I groaned and sat. Alice and Carlisle sat down on both sides of me, hoping I wouldn't attack or something. Aro smiled again. "I'm glad you all could make it. How has it been for you?"

"Fine, very fine. We found a nice spot in Alaska, grew slightly tiered of Forks. What have you called us here for?" Carlisle said politely.

I hissed at Aro. "Just because we have a new start somewhere away from Forks, doesn't mean any of us would even think of joining the Volturi, Aro. Don't even think that for a second. We are _not _interested for the last time!"

"Edward!" Alice hissed back at me, squeezed my arm painfully.

Aro sighed. "Well, I tried." He shrugged. "It was nice of you to come, anyhow. Hold on just a second." He stood up and turned to the girl who lead us in the room. She was still standing there, twirling her long pink hair, thinking about lunch that they would soon have in a few minutes. "Sammy, would you go get Izzy for me? I need to ask her a favor."

Sammy smiled and nodded. She strolled over to the large doors behind us and opened it, sticking her head through. "IZZY! ARO NEEDS YOU NOW! GET DOWN HERE!"

Aro smacked his forehead. "Whatever happened to walking out of the room and telling it softly to her face?" Sammy groaned, as if someone had just woken her up from bed and she refused to stand. "That takes _work!" _She dropped her arms down almost to the floor. "You actually have to _walk _around to try and find her. Have you ever _tried _doing that!?" She stood up straight. "Oh, and by the way, Marcus asked me to ask you if you'd be joining us for lunch today. Jane and Cam are bringing are on their way right now."

_Why didn't you just shout that out at me? _Aro thought angrily. "I'll catch up when I can, Sammy, leave some for me." He smiled. Sammy nodded and took the other exit.

The door behind us opened. I heard footsteps coming nearer, but nothing else. It was strange, normally I heard a voice. Their thoughts. But I didn't hear anything. I could smell a vampire for sure, and I could hear movement behind me loud and clear. But in her head, nothing.

Izzy came in front of us, and facing Aro, she said, "Yes, Aro?" In a familiar voice. It wasn't exactly familiar, a bit more of a song voice, but it sounded too familiar to deny.

I knew her.

I knew that for a fact.

Her face was too familiar, and I knew who it was. Only it couldn't be, it was impossible. I looked at Alice. Her mouth was dangling and her eyes were wide. _What!?_ She was thinking over and over again.

I looked at Carlisle. He didn't looked that shocked, but he did look a bit puzzled. _What? _He only thought it twice.

"Carlisle, may I introduce you to Isabella Volturi. We call her Izzy." Aro put his hand on Izzy's shoulder.

Izzy smiled at us. "It's nice to meat you."

Now here was my thought; _BELLA!!!!!?????_


	3. Chapter 2

Izzy POV

I tried to smile at the shocked faces of the Cullen family. Aro had told me a lot about Carlisle. I always thought it was quite weird, though, about how they only drank animal blood. I couldn't possibly imagine the irritation I would feel if I couldn't drink Human blood. How could they possibly face that?

It was the boy with the bronze hair who caught my attention. He looked familiar somehow, but I couldn't point it out. I just ignored that feeling.

Aro turned to me. "Izzy, I want you to lead the Cullens to the main room and have them wait until it is dark out to leave." He instructed me. I nodded. "Of course, Aro, I'd be happy to."

The bronze haired boy, who I think Aro told me was named Edward, stood up first. Carlisle and the little dark haired girl, who I figured was the great Alice, stood up after him. They followed me out of the room.

I felt their eyes stare me down as I lead them down the short hall. I felt awkward as I opened the big doors for them. Sammy said to ignore awkward situations and look to the bright side when you meet vampires from other covens. She was right, of course.

I smiled politely at him and held my arm out to four seats in the corner. "You can wait right here until Caius says it's okay for you to leave." I told them formally.

I almost left, but Edward stopped me. "Wait, I want to speak to Aro one more time."

"Oh," I was caught off guard. "Um, yes, of course. I'll go tell him you wish to speak to him. Edward, right?" He nodded slowly. I left the room.

As I rushed down the hall, I ran into Sammy. I skidded to a stop. "Come on, Izzy!" She said, "Jane and Cam are here with the batch. Are you ready to eat?"

"Yes, I just need to tell Aro something." I replied.

"You can tell him after, he'll be there. Come on, lets go." She grabed my wrist and dragged me into the streets of Volterra. I ran with her so she wouldn't rip my arm off. I could already smell the aroma of tourests coming in from the entrance. I smirked.

Caius waited at the entrance to the chapel. About ten years ago, we decided to lead them into a large chapel to so it would be easier. The last ones in had to close the doors behind them.

"Make sure you close the doors behind you." He told us. We nodded as he vanished through the doors. We walked it and slammed the two doors from behind us. The sound of screams filled the room as the others already started the feast.

* * *

Edward POV

I couldn't believe it. My Bella, part of the Volturi. I had noticed the red in her eyes. She was killing peolple, sucking human blood. She probably never thought much of killing a human. She just did it. I couldn't stand it.

It was all my fault. If I never had left her in the woods in Forks, she would probably still be in my arms right now. She would maybe still be a vampire like she is now, only different. Neither of us would have broke down so much, and she wouldn't have faked a death.

Alice had seen that Bella didn't remember anything. She had told me in her thoughts. He didn't remember me, her parents, her friends in Forks, Jacob, or even her childhood. None of that even mattered to her anyway.

I was crushed.

We could suddenly hear screams coming from outside. People were dying here. Carlisle and Alice looked away from the sound. I just stared straight ahead. My Bella was in there... killing. Taking innocent lives for her own gain...

After almost an hour, the noise stopped. I could hear all the Volturi members leaving. Then, Bella entered the room again. I looked up.

"Aro says he agrees to speak to you one last time." She said casually.

"Thank you..." My voice was too low to hear. Her smile faded a bit as she lead me down a longer hall than the last one.

She stared at me for a long second. "Aro says you drink animal blood, is that right?" She said it as if it were a bad thing.

I shrugged, though I was glad to see she wanted to chat. "We don't find seeing humans drained faces after we drink their blood amusing."

"I don't really care much about that," She said with an edge in her voice. "Sammy said to look to the brighter side when killing someone. Like how happy they'd be now that they didn't have a damn life to worry about all the time."

Sammy was wrong. There is no bright side to killing someone. That example wasn't even an excuse. "It sounds like Sammy is the talk around here." I noted. "But, is she..." I tried to look for the right word.

"Hyper? Insane? Crazy? Yes." She shrugged. "But we love her anyways."

Right... That's not really the words I were looking for. I was thinking more of obnixious and stubborn. "So, how long have you been a member of the Volturi?" I asked.

"For as long as I can remember." She replied. "Litterally. I can't really remember anything from before the point I joined. I only remember being a vampire. Aro said twenty years ago I came begging to join, so he let me and turned me. But it went horribly wrong, and I lost my memory. I don't really mind, though, I'm happy where I am."

She was wrong. If she were the real Bella, she wouldn't be happy.

She smirked and looked up at me. "How long have you been an Cullen?" She challenged.

"One hundred thirty years. Still counting."

"You think you can outlive me?"

"I already have. Tough luck, kid."

She laughed. It was the first time I'd heard her laugh in twenty years. I couldn't help but smile. She was still my Bella in there, somewhere.

We stopped at, yet, another set of doors. "Here you are, Edward. It was a pleasure to meet you."

To meet me... Right. "Thank you, Bella." I said as she opened the door. She suddenly frowned. "It's Izzy, acually."

I suddenly remembered her annoying new nickname I hated. "Um, right, sorry. Thank you, Izzy." I closed the door behind me.

"You wanted to see me?" Aro was in the room, standing still in the center. I sighed. As much as I didn't want to do this, it was the only way to bring Bella back. I would regret it if I didn't do this now.

"I've been thinking about your offer, Aro. About joining the Voltrui..."

_What was I thinking!!?!?!?!?_


	4. Chapter 3

Alice POV

I slapped my forehead. Aro had been planning this all along. Aro knew how much Bella meant to Edward, so he let her join. I should have seen that coming. It was working on Edward quite well. As he left the room, I could already see him admitting to Aro that he wanted to join.

"What's wrong, Alice?" Carlisle could see my frustration. I sighed. "It's Edward. He's going to join the Volturi to get Bella back."

"_What?" _He looked shocked, but then calmed down. "He probably knows what he's doing. I have a good feeling he'll come back after he has her memory back."

I sighed. "I just hope that works. I can't see anything about that right now. It hard when Bella doesn't remember anything."

The doors suddenly opened again, and Edward stepped in. I groaned when I saw he was wearing a black Volturi cape. "Wish me luck..." He said.

"Wish you luck." I said back, standing up. Carlisle stood as well, and we both left the room, leaving Edward to do his job. Hopfully this wouldn't end horribly.

* * *

Izzy POV

Sammy and I sat on a bench outside of the chapel, where we had eaten two days ago. It had been two days since that boy Edward had joined us. He never says much, but he keeps staring at me with weary eyes. I usually just flinch a bit with discomfort and walk off.

"That Edward kid seems really cute..." Sammy seemed dazed. I laughed. "Don't even think about that, Sammy, your insane. You've tried it on Cam and Alec already, not such a great idea for him."

She just smiled to herself. "Don't worry, I'll wait."

"Oh, god," I rolled my eyes. "This isn't going to end well at all."

"Don't be too sure of that, Izzy, I have my ways."

She looked over my shoulder. "Okay, it's either he's after me, or he's after you. I can bet you a million bucks it's me." I turned around. Edward was on his way over here. I sat up straight.

"Um, Bel- Izzy, can I-"

He was interrupted by Alec, who suddenly appeared before us. "Caius says get the hell out and look for Tyson. He's trying to expose himself again."

"Again!?" I groaned. "Of course he is. Sammy?"

Sammy stood and walked past Edward and Alec. I saw her wink at Edward as she walked by. I stood as well and walked past the boys.

"Edward, Caius wants you to join them. He thinks extra help would be useful."

Edward nodded and followed us. I could feel his eyes staring me down.

We exited Volterra and were soon roaming the streets of Italy. Edward suddenly asked, "Who's Tyson?"

"An idiot." Sammy explained. "He thinks vampires shouldn't be a secret, so he keeps finding ways to secretly expose himself. Every time we catch him, he slips from out grasp!" She held her hands up to her face angrily.

"It's every month. It's like he has a agenda of when to drive us crazy." I scowled.

Sammy sniffed the air and rushed ahead. I followed her, Edward trailing behind us. When I reached the corner, she already had Tyson pinned to the ground. Tyson was trying to wiggle free. "Get off me, you pick haired freak!" That made Sammy snarl. She hated it when people insulted her hair color.

"IZZY!" She called for me. I rushed to help her, grabbed one of Tyson's arms and ripping it off. Edward watched in horror for some reason. I yelled at him, "Start the fire! Don't just stand there!"

Tyson howled, then growled. He pushed Sammy off and grabbed my ankle with the arm I didn't rip off. It didn't effect much for him. I reached down and tore off his other arm. He howled again in agony. But he wasn't finished yet. He reached his head forward and bit my leg hard. I snarled at him.

Out of nowhere, Edward jumped out and tackled Tyson hard. There was a scar on my leg now, but it didn't hurt much. I watched as Edward effortlessly ripped Tyson to shreds. I was amazed at how strong he was.

Sammy met my side. "I think I'm in love..." She sighed and batted her eyelashes. I rolled my eyes.

Edward stood and ran over to me. "Are you alright?" He seemed worried. I shrugged. "I've had worse than just a bite. It doesn't hurt." I walked past him. He didn't move for a second. Sammy walked by him, holding up her thumb and her pinky to the side of her face mouthing, "Call me." Sometimes I just don't understand that girl.

But there was something about Edward's face right there. It looked almost familar. It was a face of horror. The face someone would make when they think someone's going to die. Like he wanted to protect me in any means possible.

Maybe it was all in my head.

* * *

Edward POV

I finally followed Bella and Sammy down the street. We stayed in the shadows, away from the light.

When Tyson had bit Bella in the leg, it brought me back to when James had tried to kill her. He had bit her in the wrist, and I had had to suck the venom out to keep her from becoming a vampire. My anger rose at that time, and next thing I knew I was ripping the Tyson to shreds. Then I realized that Bella was a vampire now, and she could have handeled it on her own. She didn't need my help anymore...

It was hard to face that fact.

I stared at Bella through the entire trip. I wouldn't look at Sammy in fear that she was "checking me out." I have a feeling it's not going to end well with us working together. I could hear it in her thoughts.

We finally made it back to Volterra. Marcus waited for us at the gate. "Demitri and Felix have brought in the meal for today." He told the girls. They smiled. Then, Marcus looked at me. "Would you join us, Edward? Or do you still follow Carlisle's ways?"

"No, thank you..." I wasn't thirsty for human or animal blood at that moment.

Sammy suddenly jumped. "I changed my mind! I changed my mind! I'm not hungry..."

"Sammy!" Bella elbowed her in the ribs. She groaned. "Fine, I'll go."

The girls followed Marcus to the chapel, which Aro had said they now use as a cafiteria. I could hear people's voices coming from in that room. I turned and left Volterra again, not wanting to hear the screams caused be my Bella.


	5. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! Thanks for all the replies!**

**Sorry it took so long. I was typing the chapter on my dad's laptop on an airplane and I saved it on there so he could send it to my email and I could copy it on WordDoc then post it on here, but he got a new laptop and forgot about the old one. Finally, two days ago, we sent it to my email and now it's here! Yeah, long story…**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**Mima

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Edward POV

I returned to Volterra after about an hour. I had spent that time wondering the streets of Italy, trying to imagine what it would be like now if I hadn't left Bella in Forks all those years ago.

No one was in the chapel. Their meal had ended a long time ago. I saw Bella and Sammy sitting on the bench again, chatting.

Bella seemed happy. She seemed proud to be a member of the Volturi. She seemed proud to be friends with Sammy. I knew that wouldn't be what she really wanted if she had her memory back. She deserves to know what she wants, and it's not this.

I realized then that my first objective was to get rid of Sammy. She was causing major problems with her false enthusiasm. She always thought she was doing good, but Aro is leading her in the wrong direction, and she's rubbing off on Bella.

I wasn't too sure how to do that without just telling her to back off. That wouldn't be such a smart idea, according to her impression in the last two days.

I had another idea, but it was incredibly disturbing and horrifying, even though it would work perfectly. But then I'd always have her on my tail and never be able to get her off.

There had to be another way.

I walked over to the girls. Sammy was the first to look up, of course. "Hi, Edward!"

"Hi." I said coldly. "Sammy, Caius wants you to go to go into the woods and look for Jane, he needs her right away."

Sammy nodded. "See you, Izzy." She dashed by me. Hopefully she wouldn't find out Jane wasn't in the woods and just keep looking for her forever...

I was about to talk to Bella when Felix popped up in front of me. Great, just when i had my one chance.

"Aro needs you, Izzy, right now. He says it's important."

Bella nodded and stood, following Felix away from me. I wanted to break the bench. No, worse, I wanted to destroy the chapel. It seems every time I get close to Bella, something gets in the way.

I felt I was never going to get Bella back at this rate. If I could just get her alone.

* * *

Izzy POV

"Yes, Aro?" I asked as I walked into the large room. Aro sighed. "Izzy, I need you to round up Sammy, Cam, and Edward. Your all leaving."

"Leaving!?" I gasped. "Why? Where are we going?"

"We need some to leave for now. You can come back when Felix, Demetri, and Alec come and get you. We're having a bit of trouble around here, and we need to

let some go for now. Your still all part of the guard, don't worry."

I was confused. "I don't understand. What's wrong?"  
"I'll tell you when you get back, but it's important we cut down on power for now. Just go. Good luck."

I still didn't understand at all, but I turned and left the room. I found Cam right outside.

"Cam," I told him, "Aro needs you, me, Edward, and Sammy to leave."  
"Leave?" He looked surprised, just as I did.

"Yes, leave. It seems we need to cut down on power for a bit. Sammy is in the woods looking for Jane, and Edward is-"

"Jane isn't in the woods." Cam said. "She's with Alec in the main room. Who said she was in the woods?"

I was shocked. "Edward did." I said.

"Well, I'll go get her and tell her false alarm. I'll see you later." He kissed me quickly on the lips and was off.

If your wondering what the kiss was about, Cam and I are dating now. It took him hours of stalking me to get me alone for one second, and I finally gave in. I did like him, though. A lot. He was charming and sweet and strong, close enough to perfect.

I turned around and realized Edward had been watching us. He was leaning against the wall with a dumbfounded expression. I stared at him for a second.  
"What?"

He shook his head. "Nothing." He said. There was an edge in his voice. "I overheard you saying we had to leave?"  
I nodded. "Yes, I'm not sure why." I paused. "Why did you lie to Sammy?"

He sighed. "Is that any of your business?"

"Sammy's my friend, I think I deserve to know."

He snorted. "Sometimes people only seem like your friends, have you ever thought of it that way?"

My jaw dropped. "What are you saying? Sammy and I shouldn't be friends? Since when is that up to you, huh?"

He groaned. "Forget it, you wouldn't believe me." He stormed off without another word.

I couldn't believe it. Edward had always seemed like the shy type, and now he was lying and being a jerk.

I sighed and waited for Cam and Sammy to return.

* * *

Edward POV

This couldn't be real.

I had read Cam's mind before. He was a self-centered jerk with no personality at all. He didn't care about Bella, or even about Izzy. What did Bella see in this guy? I wish I knew...

But apparently, what I thought didn't matter what I thought, according to Bella. I blew it now, and I had a good feeling she hated my guts.

I wished I could just explain everything to her, but based on her current personality, she wouldn't believe me that easily. I had to get her to remember somehow.

"Edward!" I heard Sammy. Ugh, will someone _please_ just get rid of that girl!

She ran up to me. I sighed. "What?"

"We're about to leave, aren't you coming?"

I nodded. "Yeah, sure. Where are we going?"  
"I know this great inn in Sweden we can go to. It's kept a secret from humans. Come on!" She jumped off, expecting me to follow her. I already knew my way to the exit of Volterra, so I let her skip ahead, following at a slow pace. It didn't take long to catch up with Bella and her idiot boyfriend.

Bella didn't look at me. I don't think Sammy ever realized I had lied to her, she still thought about how hot I was through the entire trip. That really disturbed me.

We traveled at a fast pace. I think we were out of Italy in about five minutes. Even though Sammy and Cam seemed like they were trying to assault me with their thinking, I kept my attention to Bella the entire time. I refused to take my eyes off of her. Just like the first day I saw her in the cafeteria in Forks, Washington. We're I first found I couldn't read her mind.

I still can't read her mind, of course. And I probably never will. But if she were mine again, she would tell me. But not anymore. Now, she didn't care. She didn't know anything about me. She didn't know anything about herself.


	6. Chapter 5

**HELLO AT LAST!!!!**

**PLEASE READ:**** I am so sorry!!! I have never been more sorry to anyone in my life!!! It's been what, months? A **_**YEAR!?**_** Okay, not a year, I know that. But a REALLY long time! All my stories on Fan Fiction (which would be four stories) are unfinished, and I really work myself to the bone by trying to keep them going. For a long time, I haven't really been working on any of them much. Lately, I've been busy getting started on what I believe to be my best story so far: "Apocalypse: Not Who I Used To Be." I have about a balance of ZERO reviews on that story. (Cries for a few seconds.) If any of you have the heart to check out my story and PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE review, I would LOVE YOU! (Not literally… Sorry, I'm really waiting for that special someone.) It's a really great story, and I plan on making it a series! So again, PLEASE, when any of you get the slightest chance, read and review it!**

**I also realized that in this story, I got the Volturi all wrong. I recently saw the New Moon movie, and I feel kinda stupid. Oh well. My own Volturi version let's call it. XD**

**ANYWAYS, at last, I have it! The next chapter!!! I hope I get motivated enough to post the next chapter as fast as humanly possible. Wish me luck on that! And enjoy! **

**!!~~**Mima**~~!!

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Sammy POV (Oh, god, here we go… XD)

Why doesn't Izzy ever trust me when it comes to guys? The relationships that don't work out in my life are only caused by the fact that that boy isn't the one for me. When I was with Alec for those two short days, or at least in my imagination, I thought I felt something, but that turned out to be wrong. Now, he avoids me because he thinks I'm a creep. The truth is, I'm not a creep. The whole thing was just a sign, telling me that whenever I feel that feeling around someone, it's not _love! _It's just respect, I figured out.

And when I stalked Cam for a while? He now dates Izzy to get away from me. (Izzy doesn't know, and I don't want to hurt her.) Why? It's another sign. The way I felt towards him wasn't love, either. It was more of a feeling of... okay; I haven't figured that one out yet.

So, technically, whenever a relationship doesn't work out, you discover that love isn't really what you were feeling the whole time. Love is something that never backfires on you. Each time a relationship ends, you discover a new emotion. Or at least that's what I believe.

The feeling I have towards Edward is totally different. It's a new emotion I have to explore, like all the others. Is it love? I don't know, but I hope so! I'd love to end up with someone as godlike and gorgeous as him!

I tried to explain this to Izzy, but she doesn't understand. That's because she can't remember what love is like. She can't even tell me how she really feels about Cam. I hope she never finds out about him, she'd be so hurt…

I was leading them to this really cool inn in Sweden where some of my other friends from the past and I stayed once when I was sent on a mission. The inn is owned by a vampire, and it's not a human place. If a human tried to stand there, they probably wouldn't live very long. Too bad for them.

I was growing jealous of Izzy, actually. The entire trip across Europe, Edward had his eyes locked on her. He didn't even glance for a second at me, not even when I tried speaking to him. At one point, I was on the bridge of tackling my best friend to get his attention, but I calmed myself by humming every song that came to my mind quietly. Izzy looked at me for a second, wondering why I would be infuriated enough to have to hum to myself, but left me alone. Good thing.

We had to stop only twice for something to eat. Edward ran off into the woods to hunt for animals. I didn't exactly understand the whole kill-animals-instead-of-people, or _vegetarian, _thing. What did animals ever do to us? And most of them were nearly extinct, so if we want more population of animals in the world, why not just leave them alone? There are plenty of people in the world. We don't need to worry about the population of them.

Cam was causing a rampage in a bar. Izzy and I waited outside until he had his fill. We had already had our fair share.

Izzy turned to me. "Does anything about Edward seem, I don't know, _off _to you?" She asked. At first I thought she was kidding. He was, like, all over her! Did she not notice that? But her eyes were dead serious. I decided not to tell her about that until I knew about my feelings with him for sure.

I shrugged. "Why do you ask?"

Izzy sighed. "He's just… I don't know." She leaned back and stared off into space. "Okay, this is going to sound insane, okay? Promise you won't comment of how insane it is?"

I put my hand over my heart. "With every bone in my body, I promise I won't comment."

Izzy let out a breath. "Well… it's weird. I feel like… like I _know _him. I don't think I could have possibly known him in my human life, or he would have mentioned something, wouldn't he? Then I realize he's kind of a jerk, but I don't really feel mad at him. I can only-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait!" I stopped her, "What do you mean you realized he's a jerk?!" I was shocked she'd even think that. How was Edward Cullen ever a jerk to her?!

"Sammy, I thought you said you wouldn't comment."

I sighed. I zipped up my lips and locked them, throwing the key to the ground and smashing it with my foot. She continued after it had been completely demolished.

"I can only _try _to act like I'm mad at him. I can't even word this right! It's so _confusing! _It's like I feel guilty for something, but I don't know what I feel guilty for! And it's got something to do with _him! _It scares me. Does that make more sense?"

I shook my head. "Honestly, it doesn't. But I'm not one to comment."

"Thanks." She smiled at me.

I smiled back, but jealousy suddenly filled me to the top. Why did _she _have these crazy mixed, dramatic feelings about Edward and I didn't?! This _so _wasn't fair!

* * *

Izzy POV

It felt good to talk to Sammy about this. Letting my feelings out was just what I needed to calm down a bit. I didn't want to know what she was thinking about it, though. She probably just didn't get it.

Edward got to us before Cam got out of the bar. He jumped when he heard the screaming. "What the hell is he doing in there?!" He asked.

"Cam likes to make his days out memorable," Sammy told him, "Especially when he hunts. He's causing a rampage to see how much fun he can have before he's full. It's not a problem if no one knows he's a vampire."

Edward looked confused, but he let it go. "We're leaving soon, aren't we?"

Sammy nodded. I didn't look at him.

I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep this up. Should I ask him about it? Wait, why would I do that? Why would he care? I was pretty messed up at the moment.

I had to stop thinking about it. Stop avoiding him. All I had to do was treat him like I treated the rest of the guard, and I wouldn't feel this way. Everything would be resolved. I didn't have to think about it. Yes, that would be good…

_Okay, from now on, Izzy, don't think about it. Not even for a second._

We left, finally. We were on the route again. It made me calm to clear my head. Throughout the trip, I focused on other things. And by other things, I mean my surroundings. I mostly commented mentally about the different types of trees, and the animals that scurried around us as we passed them. I focused deeply on the smell of other humans as we walked passed them, trying to determine their exact scent. I even tried to determine the scent of Sammy and Cam. I was about to determine Edward's scent, until a thousand unsettling thoughts popped into my mind.

I was about to avoid picking out his scent. But then I remembered that I told myself I wouldn't avoid him. _Treat him like the rest of the guard, Izzy, there's nothing wrong with that!_

But suddenly, the scent was too familiar. Like I had identified it a long, long time ago. This only drove me to insanity, so I gave up. It was no use. Why was he so familiar to me?!

This was never going to end. No matter how hard I wanted it to end, it wasn't going to. Life just enjoyed torturing me like that.

* * *

Edward POV

First of all, I must say this: Cam sickens me. A lot. I was probably going to kill him one day. He deserved it. He was just sad. I didn't like him with Bella. He would hurt her.

Which would probably be the reason I'd kill him.

I could tell Bella was avoiding me. She didn't trust me. I wouldn't take my eyes off of her, but she never looked at me. I couldn't tell if she knew I was only watching her or not. Sammy definitely knew. I kept hearing her thoughts of jealousy. _Why is he looking at her when she's not even looking at him? I'm the one trying to get his attention! For Pete's sake! Why do they even say that? Who is Pete?_

I tried to keep my distance from Sammy, of course. Her thoughts were just… well, stuff I really didn't want to hear.

Anytime soon we would reach our destination. The sooner, the better. I may actually have a chance to help Bella restore her memory. It would just be me and her. And, well, Sammy and Cam. I needed to get them out of the way.

"HERE WE ARE!!!" I jumped when Sammy suddenly burst into joy. "It's been _way _too long since I've been here! Man, it's good to be back!

Great. This was going to be hard…


End file.
